Thank you all for the overwhelming show of love and support these past 7 weeks. Your words, messages and gestures have been so appreciated by my family and myself and I’m truly so thankful to be surrounded by such an incredible group of family and friends.
Isabel, Hudson and I are still working on settling into life in Boise without Brian. It’s painful and sad every day. Every time my computer goes into sleep mode it pops up a slideshow of photos from the past 6 years of theincredible life Brian and I lived together, travels throughout the world, sailing adventures, the birth and lives of our two kids, etc.. I try to cut it off before it gets to these photos because even though they’re the most cherished memories I have, they’re unbearable to look at right now. They are such happy memories but I’m too sad to be able to see them and smile. His life was just cut too short and I want him back. I miss him.
I’ve started back at work in the past couple of weeks and while it does keep me distracted from this whirlwind going on around me, it’s difficult to stay focused and to even want the distraction. The love I have for Brian and the void I now feel inside make me want to crawl under the covers and never come out. But then Izzy or Hudson burst into my room yelling “MAMA”, or I get a strong kick to the ribs from baby Adeline, or I get a message from one of you and it helps me get back out of bed and focus on the fact I have work to do.
A lot of information has been provided to me over these past few weeks surrounding the circumstances leading up to and the morning of Brian’s death and my focus is starting to shift from just being overwhelmingly sad to now how can I keep Brian’s name and legacy of amazing-ness alive. How can I help prevent another young wife, mother, partner from sitting here as I am with tears streaming down her face- wishing she had her best friend back? I believe I have the power to do this and I believe those of us involved in the scuba diving world can & will see change as a result of this. This is the best I can offer right now but you WILL continue to see Brian’s name and photos and I will do everything in my power to make sure his legacy of love and life and enjoyment lives on through us all.
Again, I really just want to say thank you to all of you for trying your hardest to not make me feel alone in this. To everyone to came out to Hawaii for Brian’s service, to those who sent flowers and cards and gift cards to help through the dark days, to those who have driven hours from Washington to Idaho to give me hugs and a foot massage, to those I haven’t seen in 10-15-20 years but have donated to the Gofundme set up for our family... I truly just can’t thank you enough for your support. Saying thank you really doesn’t express the extent of my gratitude, but please know I mean it. I feel it, our kids feel it, my family feels it and baby Adeline will feel it when she gets here. Thank you.