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Week 4

The kids and I made it through our first Father’s Day without Brian. We celebrated him in our own way by having lunch at his favorite restaurant on the island and then taking a glass bottom boat tour out of Kewalo Basin, looking for sea life and soaking up the memories together in the waters he so loved and eventually went down in. It was emotional and excruciatingly painful, but I have no doubt it was the right way to celebrate the unbelievable father he was to these babies of ours. Each day I feel more and more resolved in the fact that while it might be hard for me, I want these kids to live the life Brian and I had planned for, to experience adventure and make memories every step of the way by seeing and doing all that this world has to offer. It would be very easy to close the blinds, lock the doors and try to hide away from the pain and “scary things” out there in the world, but that’s not us and that would be a terrible dishonor to Brian and the incredible legacy he leaves behind of living life to the fullest.

Yesterday marks 4 weeks since he died. Each day is getting a little better in that I can make it longer and longer in between emotional breakdowns but there is truly no preparing yourself for how absolutely heartbreaking this experience is. Brian and I were truly soulmates, destined to be together and capable of doing anything together. Driving around the island yesterday every where I went I was reliving all these incredibly happy memories we made here together and the more I closed my eyes seeing us laughing and making big plans together- the more tears streamed down my face. We had the most wonderful life together and I never want to forget the happiness we brought each other.

I avoided Facebook all day yesterday but I want to wish everyone a happy Father’s Day. I hope your kids and family made you feel so unbelievably loved and appreciated yesterday and that you do the same for them in return every day. Your kids are lucky to have you just as you are to have them.

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